Sunday, July 31, 2005

A thoughtful letter from my sweet bro

I haven't heard from anyone else in a long time. Until I found a note in my pocket just a minute ago. It's got some wierd drawing on it...


It's signed by Luke, so the little person must be him... he's watering a flower... the can's marked "poison"... Hey, wait! That's my prizewinning orchid! I was going to enter that in the fair! What the hell, he's killing my orchid! Probrably because of the time I smashed his truck collection, which I did because he spilled grape juice on my white dress, which he did because I... well, you get the idea. When I get off this desert, I'm gonna... I'm gonna... rrrrrrr, I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm gonna dump a big bucket of glue on his head. That's right. No more Beatles haircut for him. He'll probrably have to cut it, or shave it. (tosses head back, evil cackle)
Now we're even. Well, not now, but soon. Soon...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Forks - I'm not insane

Forks aren't just the fuzzy little utensils you get at restaurants or buy in supermarkets to eat veggies with. No, they're way better than that. They're probrably the most powerful utensil of all. Many of you are probrably thinking - She's gone nuts. What can a fork possibly do? I'll tell you what a fork can do - what a light saber can't. A fork can be used as a deadly weapon no one can suspect. No one's going to say "Sorry, you can't come in here with a fork." I mean, who can suspect the little fuzzy thing we eat veggies with to be a murder weapon? Nobody.

Another good side to forks is that they can be used by anyone, Jedi or not. And they're not just for stabbing... oh no no no. They can also be used for picking things up that you absolutely don't want to touch, digging, making music, and even eating if it's clean enough. You can get one anywhere, even in cereal boxes.

Mine lights up. Isn't that awesome? You just flick the button and have a butt-whoopin' good time.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Suspicion

I have a crazy feeling that Luke's broken in back at home. I just know he can get past the security guards. Hmmph. Last time I buy him a working Spiderman Suit as a birthday present.


I can't help but wonder what he's doing with my credit card right now. He'll probrably open that clothing line he's always wanted(shudders)... Luke's Leotards - "When You Wanna Dance 'Till You Drop." No doubt he's gonna get a speeder or two. He'll wanna register himself in an online dating program, get a safe to stow my card in, maybe a saxophone. I guess it all mounts up to about a billion credits.

Doesn't matter. When I get home, I'm gonna fork-whoop him so bad.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Shooooooot!

I'm stuck on an island with a fork. I can't bear it. Life is horrid. My heart is shriveled and my soul is dead. The blackness of despair shrouds my eyes. I choke on pain and anguish. I wish I had brought a cell phone. Oh well, as soon as I get home, I'm calling Luke about that prank he pulled. He's always trying to come up with ways to get my credit card just to get a shiny red speeder.

I'm worried that one day, he'll actually outsmart me. He's gone as far as begging desperately nonstop. It's so embarrasing, a grown man like him going "please please please please please please please please plesae please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please..." I'd rather set up a charity for him than give him my own money. The Give Luke Money Charity: Click If You Care. (Just promise me you don't click that at work)

Oh. Shoot. I left my credit card at home and my door's unlocked.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Colors

I've changed the colors on my blog. Sooo... What do you think? I dunno. I liked it at first, but now it just kind of bothers me.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Gone Tatooin'

So I'm going to Tatooine for Survivor. I've got everything packed. My blaster and my fork. Don't know how I'll survive without a fork. Blaster's important too, but you can't beat the all mighty Fork. I've been put into the Mabbitt Tribe, which can't get any better. I mean, Aayla, Fluke and Obi-Wan have their lightsabers, which is real awesome. Qui-Gon has the brownies, which can't be beat, except by maybe the fork. Grievous... very... machiney in a tight spot. And Palps has the speedo, which can't be beat. Except by the Fork. And Jar-Jar. Ha ha. Sweet Jar-Jar. Ha ha ha.

I like chicken.

The Call

Today I got a strange call from the magazine I ordered. They said they ran into some problems, which totally sucks because I was expecting the call to be from Padme.

"Y'ello?" I said into the reciever.

"Hi, this is Domination Magazine. I'm looking for Leia Organa." It was a familiar high-pitched girl's voice.

"That's me, is anything wrong?"

"Well, we have a problem with our press right now, so I'm sorry to say you won't be getting your magazine until... next Thursday."

"What?! I can't wait a whole week! You people stink! All of you! I paid for this crap?"

"Well, there is one thing," They said, "We know your family is very rich. It'll take eighty bucks to fix the machine. So give us the money or else you'll never see your beloved magazine before Wednesday." Snicker.

Just then something hit me.

"Luke?"

They hung up.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Things that scare me

Fluke came up to pick up his wookie. He was exclaiming over how cute it was. I'm sure they'll be best friends to the end. I can see them now...


Except his wookie's not exactly as well-kept. To be truthful, I think it's pretty ugly. But I didn't dare say that to him. I mean, if he really loves him... Just remember, Fluke, if it turns evil,Use the fork.
While I've been gone, scary things have been happening. The rabid ewok, the messed up droid, and I heard Aayla's story about her aunt. It's really traumatic. How can she be related to... ewww. No offense, Aayla, but that picture really scares me. Which brings back some horrifying childhood memories.I can't stop looking at it. And then I want to poke it, and poke it again. And after a while of staring and poking, she starts to talk to me. Through the computer screen. *shudders*

That really icks.

Hehe, I'm having fun with the image button. I could never download Picasa, the connection here on Alderaan really sucks.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Back on Alderaan

Thank god, I'm finally back. That was horrible. It's bad enough living with one hairy monster, but living on a planet full of them? That's the worst thing that can happen! I mean, let's see...

*Nothing to do
*Water too cold to swim
*I think they go in their water, anyway
*No clean water, electricity
*Fur everywhere
*No one worth talking to (sorry Chewie, but it's true)
*The *kids*

Don't get me started on the kid wookies. They're cute, they're warm and fuzzy, but they keep pulling my hair! Sure, you might think it's not a big deal, but I spend hours on it! And they keep trying to eat it. I don't know why, but everyone refers to my hair as some kind of food. Donuts, buns, cinnamon rolls... It's not supposed to look like food! If anything, I look like a wagon. Can't you see the wheels? Don't tell me you can't see the wheels.

Oh Aayla, I brought Anastasia back. I'll mail her to you. And Fluke, I don't know your address, so you'll have to pick your wookie up. ; )

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Baby wookies

There's absolutely nothing to do here, so Chewie suggested I help out at the day care center nearby. He seemed to think I was hogging his Gameboy. Like it's something worth hogging. Sheesh.

There are so many baby wookies everywhere and they're adorable! I can't bring myself to believe that one day they'll be big and oafy like Chewie, no offense.

I've tried to count how many there were at the day care center, but they keep swarming around, like a bunch of cute furry mosquitoes. Later, in the midst of all the running around, their number mysteriously dwindled to four. I have no idea where they all went.

This one wookie really stood out. She likes to be called Anastasia. She wears this big beautiful dress everywhere and she is sooo cute! I'm giving her to Aayla if she still wants one.
Awwwww...

So I've abduc - er - adopted you the wookie, Aayla. You're gonna love her! Already she's saying how she'll rule the galaxy one day and make those polluters pay. Awwww...

Complaints

This is the worst vacation ever! Chewie told me the fishing here was great, so I was pretty excited about that. I had never gone fishing before and had no idea it was gonna be so boring. Did you know you have to wait for the fish to bite? What's that all about? I asked him what we're eating tonight and all he said was "fiiish." Not only that, but all he ever wants to do is swim. It's freezing in there, so I figured I'd tan. But the fog is so heavy... grrrrrrrrrr
When I get home, I'm gonna get daddy to build a real cabin, not this little shack. And it's gonna have hot water and electricity and mosquito-proofing. And a pizza place for those of us who hate fish (probrably just me, but more people will come here after the place is straightened out). Come to think of it, it'll need a salon for all these wookiees. Some of them look like they've never seen a comb! And a shopping mall, because they all look the same in that drab brown fur. Then maybe tear down that ugly old shrine in the corner and build a casino. They'll need the money for clothes, anyway.
After all that is established, they'll need a leader to keep everything under control. I've heard horrible stories about wookiee riots where they tear each other arms off. I guess daddy can be king, because he has more common sense than any of them.

Pip pip,
Leia

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Swimming with Chewie

Han comes to Kashyyk a lot. Every time, he'd go on and on about how much fun it was, swimming and fishing, not to mention the wrestling. It has to be fun, right?

Well, I got here just this morning. Right when I got here, I noticed the beautiful scenery. Mist wrapped itself around the blue mountains and trees. Chewie greeted me with a big fat strangling, intoxicating hug, and we went to go swimming right away.



I dunno why he would want to wear a bikini, because he never wears anything anyway. I asked him just that, but he blushed though his fur and muttered something inaudible about peer pressure.

"Hrrr blrrr gaaaah hrr!" he told me, which meant the water was warm today. At least it might've been, because the water was freezing cold! I immediately got out, but Chewie wanted to stay in. He asked me if I wanted to watch the underwater wrestling matches. I told him no thanks and asked if we can leave yet.

"Grraugh rrr hhbrrl!" which meant "Hang on, there's no bathroom around for miles."

I'm not going in there again.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Fishing

Everything's going on all at once, life's so busy. Jar-Jar's doing something with giant plants (I'm not sure I want to know), the brownie & coffee business, Yoda and Dooku on Jerry (hahahahaha)...etc.

So I've decided to get away from it for a while. I'm taking a vacation on Kashyyk, after Chewie invited me. For a big furry oaf, he's pretty nice sometimes. Despite the "angries," the clumsiness, and the fact that he's not potty-trained.

He said the swimming and fishing's great there, but I have to watch out for the "Grodas." I'm not sure exactly what they are, and when I asked him, all he gave me was "grrrawl, grrb awwwwwl glllrrr grawl." Could someone translate?

I can't wait to get there!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Looky looky at my extra-short post



Well that just made my day. What is it with guys and kilts?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Dead Cat

Today, I found Mr. Kenoboman. This is what he looks like:
Those paws... The tail... Why?
As you can see, guts are spilled out, and the tail is squashed into a scab. I always thought, if he ever died, I'd cut off the tail and wear it as a scarf. But... noooo...
Mr. Kenoboman, if you can read this from Heaven (or Hell, for that matter), I miss you and I decided to write a poem for you.

I’m here without you kitty
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you kitty
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you kitty
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight, man, your squeak-toy belongs to me

I wrote that all by myself. All mine. Not Universal Records's.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I must be going mad

Yesterday's fun went pear-shaped when I tried to set off the fireworks. It was raining like mad! The second I lit it, it went out and the package fell apart! After trying for the fifteenth time to fix it, a cop came over.

"What are you doing, miss?" he asked.

"I'm trying to set these stupid fireworks off, but they won't light."

"Um. Miss? That's dynamite."

"What?!?"

"It clearly says 'dynamite' right here on the side." He pointed out the big black letters that I never noticed before. "You do know that it's illegal here, don't you?"

"Blimey, I swear, I didn't know!" I really didn't want to spend a night in jail or anything. "Some guy sold it to me and told me it was fireorks!"

The cop eyed me suspiciously. This was not my cup of tea. Suddenly, lightning flashed and for a second, the cop strangely resembled Han Solo. I heard a voice repeating in my head: "shoot first shoot first shoot shoot shoot." So I gave in and shot the cop in his scruffy-looking nerf-herder-resembling gob.

Then I ran. Bloody smashing it was. How's my British?

Monday, July 04, 2005

Fireworks

Today's finally the 4th of July! I thought it'd never come. Yesterday, I ordered a whole bunch of fireworks just for today. It took me hours to decide which kind I wanted, then I got the really big kind that stretches for miles. At least that's what the catalog said. I don't believe them though. They surely can't be that big, can they?

How do you set it off? Do you light the fuse, or what? Oh well, I'll figure it out.

BTW, Obi-Wan, you can keep Mr. Kenoboman. Yeah, I know where he's been. *shudder*

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Lost Cat

During the slumber party, I think my cat ran away. I can't find Mr. Kenoboman anywhere. If you think you've spotted him, please tell me. If you haven't seen him, he's brown with white feet and is pretty fat. What else:
  • Answers to the name 'Kenoboman' (duh)
  • Also answers to cheese
  • Sometimes has seizures
  • Chances are, he's too fat to climb a tree
  • Spazzes out at the sign of water
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. And if you happen to find him run over by a speeder, into a pile of red and brown fur, with bones sticking out of the skin, guts strewn about, please peel him off and kiss him for me.
Thank you very much.
May the Force be with you.

Friday, July 01, 2005

The sleepover

Yesterday's slumber party was the best! The first thing I saw when I came in was Anakin drunk doing hulahoops on the table with a beer on his head. He should join the circus. They can't refuse him if we send them a tape of the undie-bowling. The best part was when we stole Mace's Booboobear. It's so gross, all scabby and... drooping. None of us wanted to touch it so someone decided to pick it up with The Force and tossed it into the aquarium. Sorry, Aayla, hope your fish isn't harmed. It really is a beuatiful fish. We watched The Notebook, which is the saddest movie ever! I mean... Allie... and... and... Noah... (sobs) nooooo...

Oh well, it was great. Especially the fact that I got Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator to sign my arm! Squeal!
Thanks, Aayla, you really should throw more parties!